I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
