When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
