Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
