Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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