...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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