dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
