apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
