awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
