If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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