yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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