You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need to sanitize my soul.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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