last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
4 words: hood of his car
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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