My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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