Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
