I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
