I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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