hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
third nipple confirmed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
