fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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