I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
