Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
