Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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