Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
