we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
