I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
