I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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