my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
