ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
