i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
