After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
