I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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