do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
