She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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