nutella sex= disaster
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
