Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
