dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
