All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
