i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
