Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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