she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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