If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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