Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
