I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize