I showed him my bush... on skype.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
