u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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