OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
