I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
