Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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