my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
