he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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