Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize