I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
