similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
