I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
