U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
