You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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