I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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