I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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