nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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