btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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