I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
