i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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