I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
