when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
whose parrot is this?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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