I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
