I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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