GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
