I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
