You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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