woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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