The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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