I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
