it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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