What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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